Alex Bloom, Psy.D.

With the COVID-19 rates starting to flatten and some states partially open up, the question is being begged how do we all mentally prepare for the transition back?

To begin with, let’s start with a phrase that’s often used in psychotherapy settings: stress inoculation. This refers to the idea that someone can become inoculated, or resistant, to stressful situations by preparing for them in advance. Therefore, by thinking ahead for what a return to work might entail, you can bring your A-game as you transition back.

Rebuild your Rhythm

Remember preparing for your first day back to school? You purchased all your supplies needed for the coming year and might have gotten your bedtime routine shored up the week before. So many of us have gotten out of what was “normal” that it will take time to transition back. Think: how can I rebuild some structure into my days now, ahead of time? Lay your clothes out the night before, plan your day ahead, wake up at work times. Consider even making a schedule for the first week back of what your week look like from the time you get up until you go to bed. How will meals be prepared? Daycare? What will down time look like after dinner? Maybe even a checklist could help stay organized. Right now, you have an opportunity like never before to create your own rhythm. What insights could you be learning about how you manage stress and make priority in your life? Take advantage of this time!

Designate time to Destress

Taking time to destress can feel like taking time for exercise: if we don’t build it into our day it won’t happen. As you’re working on your new rhythm what could you be explicit about sprinkling some moments of zen into your day? Perhaps taking a walk during your lunch break. Or at the very least take your full half hour or hour lunch and focus on something asides from tasks. Would you prefer to go into the office a bit earlier in order to leave early? Maybe you can find some new recipes to make for lunches before the stress of going back hits? I often tell clients to ask themselves, “What is one thing I could do to nourish myself today?” This topic is so imperative because we can bank on having different energy levels as we go back into the “real world”, whatever that will mean.

Reflect on Results

If you’ve been working from home, your work structure will be different than going into the office. So reflect on what worked well for you and what didn’t. Did your team get more accomplished with those virtual Zoom meetings instead of in person? Or were you more distracted? If working from home led to an increase in productivity, could you advocate for working remotely a few days per month? Use all these ideas as critiques for efficiencies.

Expect the Unexpected

Dale Carnegie, the father of the self-help movement, once famously said, “An hour of planning can save you 10 hours of doing”. We don’t quite know yet what a ‘Post-COVID world’ will be exactly, but we can think ahead for at least some things. For example, can you carry sanitizer in your purse or car along with an extra mask? Make sure your office will have clear rules about the environment. How can you best be mindful of your work station? What will social distancing be like in the break room? Will there be a sanitation station or cleaning wipes readily available? If you are working somewhere where there might be a physical barrier between you and a client or patron, consider going to work a day early for a few minutes to mentally prepare for the new environment. Lastly, be aware that you might have some separation anxiety from family and pets as you return. How can you best ‘inoculate’ for that? For the past several months I’ve had my cat sit next to me all day while I’ve had my virtual visits, so when I eventually head back into the office I plan on buying a picture frame to see little Stella throughout the day.

***UPDATE: Egypt is STILL green-lit!!….date change to tentatively 2023 due to COVID delays and my upcoming wedding this fall. I will update more here when I get more information from my guide. Luckily, Egypt has opened up again to tourists!***

• Ready to say YES to unlocking the mysteries of Egypt, supercharging your manifesting, and expanding your spiritual awareness:

*Discounts will be available for a limited time once registration begins!!*

• Daily Tour Breakdown (disregard original date):

• Sub on YT for Egypt commentaries and learning how to blend science and spirituality together in a practical way:
  http://tiny.cc/7ixbiz

• Like my page for more Egypt content, awesome memes, and life hacks:
  http://fb.com/AlexBloomPsyD

• Have you ever wanted to go to Egypt?
• Did you put it on your wish list and forgot about it or had too many questions that stopped you from going?
• Or maybe you’ve just been waiting for the right time to join the right tour?
• Are you into spirituality? Vibration? Blending cutting edge science with ancient wisdom?

Well, get ready to spend 16 days traveling in style to all the BEST spots you’d ever want to see on this BUCKET LIST LEVEL journey!

We’ll be:

• Bathing in the sacred energies from these holy sites, including a PRIVATE tour inside the Great Pyramid AND entering into the restricted Sphinx enclosure (not open to the public) **definitely a highlight**
• Unlocking the hidden messages in the hieroglyphs
• Discussing lost technology on how the pyramids were constructed as well as their purpose
• Learning how to apply vibrational principles to better harness the things you want in life as well as to become a more powerful and intentional creator of your life experience
• Sharing how you can use these ideas to supercharge your own manifestations by mixing with the extremely unique energies ONLY only found at these locations
• Feeling transformed with a more thorough grasp of ALL things Egypt, a life goal checked off, fantastic memories for a lifetime, new friends, and a deeper understanding of life

*** DON’T MISS THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY ***

Are you familiar with the term ‘ACEs’? It stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences and originates from a landmark research study completed in the 1990’s. The results showed that the greater number of traumatic situations endured in childhood, the more likely one is to experience challenges later in life. These include such conditions as depression, suicide attempts and even poor physical health risks like heart disease and cancer. The questionnaire consisted of 10 questions that covered such topics as various forms of abuse, neglect, and the status of family members (e.g., mental illness, alcoholism). While there has been a number of studies backing similar findings since the original was published some 20 years ago, new research is showing that having “counter-ACEs”, or positive childhood experiences, serve as a protective buffer against the negative long-term health effects of these early negative experiences.

I put my professor hat on to do some deep diving in preparation for this informative post and segment, tracking down the original ACEs study, the new study published just a few short months ago on ‘counter-ACEs’, as well as the counter-ACEs questionnaire this new study was based upon.

Essentially, after reviewing all of this information on counter-ACEs, these vital principles can be broken down into four categories as I see it:

1) Predictable home routines: Structure is important for all children but for those who have experienced trauma this becomes especially relevant. This is because the brain associates predictability with safety. The basics of day-to-day routine cannot be overstated. Does the child have regular meals, bedtimes, etc? If not, what could you do to slowly work towards this? Could you breakdown what getting ready for bed looks like as a starting point?

2) Opportunities for fun: Having creative, fun, and novel experiences are pure nourishment for the developing brain. For example, keeping in line with routine, could you read them bedtime stories from their favorite books? Play card games or just put the cushions on the floor and them not step off into the ‘hot lava’? “Fun” doesn’t have to be expensive (or even time consuming).

3) Having quality adults in the environment: Friends, neighbors, even teachers who care play such an instrumental role in every child’s life. So how can you ensure their environment includes such people? Perhaps tailor the last point of fun opportunities to include the child’s friends or if they don’t have many, urge them to join a group event, such as an after-school sports team, where they’ll have opportunities to make friends.

4) Feeling safe with self and others: Several of the counter-ACEs fall into this category, including having a safe caregiver, enjoying school, and having beliefs that provide comfort along with feeling comfortable with themselves. There’s a lot to be said for this category, but again, the basics cannot be overemphasized. The feeling of physical and emotional safety are at the very core essence for who we are and when we don’t feel safe, it places a restraint on our ability to thrive. One of the top pieces of advice I tell parents is that children pay far more attention to what you DO than what you SAY. So, if you’re the caregiver for an at-risk youth, take this to heart. How can you model for them what to do when things get stressful? Do you fly off the handle or can you demonstrate to them that you keep your cool? Showing how to effectively manage your stress will go a lot further than just hollow pep-talks. Not sure yourself how to do so yourself? Enroll in a free or low-cost stress management or parenting class in your community.

So what’s the biggest take away from all this? As bad as Adverse Childhood Experiences (or ACEs) can be, not having these positive childhood experiences and relationships listed above may actually be even more detrimental to lifelong health. It’s vitally important that we focus more on increasing the positives for all children, but especially for at-risk youth.

Anxiety affects millions of people but did you know that it can often show up differently between men and women? In fact, men are half as likely to ever even receive a diagnosis of anxiety compared to their counterpart. Women tend to express their worry in the form of people-pleasing towards others or feeling powerless. This can often lead to more eating-related problems in an attempt to regain a sense of control. They’re also more likely to go to the doctor in the first place when they begin to feel distress.

Men, on the other hand, frequently have their anxiety masquerading in the form of anger. While he may be seeming like a jerk on the surface, bubbling underneath could a very large reservoir of anxiety. From childhood on, men have received the message that aggression is seen as more socially acceptable behavior than anxiety and emotional vulnerability is seen as a weakness. Men are more likely to complain of headaches, trouble with sleep, and muscle tension. More notably, they’re much more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs to cope. In regards to suicide, while depression is associated with having more suicidal thoughts, those struggling with anxiety are more likely to actually make attempts. And men are three times as likely to die by suicide than women, with rates on the rise.

So what do you do if you or a male loved one are struggling with anxiety? Here are some tips:

1) Highlight what you see. Take notice and share how you observe that things have changed within him. His quality of life has been down and you see him suffering. For example, he doesn’t spend as much time pursuing hobbies, complain more about work, and you see that his alcohol consumption has been steadily rising over the past few weeks.

2) Plant curiosity seeds. Our emotions are complex and often multi-layered. We have what are called ‘primary’ and ‘secondary’ emotions. Secondary emotions are often what we see on the surface while an additional and often more accurate emotion is underneath. So when he gets upset about not wanting to go to the party with his friends or seems overly grumpy about his increased workload, plant the seed that there might be another feeling germinating inside of him aside from agitation. “When I hear you say you’re really upset about having to go to the party this weekend with your friends, it makes me wonder if you’re feeling something aside from anger?” You’re not accusing, judging, or nagging. You’re just holding a neutral stance from a place of caring and concern. Then back off, or if need be, change the subject so he doesn’t feel like he’s being interrogated. The more of these curiosity seeds you plant over time, the more likely they are to take root and have him start exploring them himself.

3) Give him a status update. Explain to him how his moods and actions have made you worry more, how you’re not sleeping, etc. You’re inviting him into your world to offer him a glimpse of how his behavior is impacting more than just himself. And when you come from a place of being authentic and compassionate it won’t come across as a guilt trip either.

4) Offer counseling as an option. Emphasize how there’s a reason why this profession exists. Therapy has come a long way from sitting on a couch and talking about your dreams. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT, in particular is not only extremely effective but can be well-suited for those who are more resistant to therapy. Treatment can often be short-term (roughly 12-15 weeks), too. I’ll often describe to folks who are more uncertain about discussing their feelings that this is more ‘coaching’ than “therapy” and how it’s not much different from getting a golf lesson. But remember, no ultimatums! The ‘you better go to therapy…or else’ approach not only won’t work but will just create the opposite reaction because now he’s resistant.

5) Emphasize bravery. Reframe for him how that by reaching out to others, whether that be opening up to friends or pursuing therapy, actually takes courage and is therefore not a form of weakness. It can provide tremendous relief to talk to someone about anxiety, to know he’s not alone, and feel connected to others on such a deeper level. When you see him slowly taking these steps towards others, praise him authentically noting how difficult the process must be.

Do you make time for fun?

With summer here, kids are on vacation and they get the luxury of free time to play. But as we enter adulthood there isn’t much time for that, save for a couple weeks a year…or is there? Play, which can be defined as activities that have no other purpose than to be engaging and fun, can be easier to do than you might think. And in case you’re in need of some extra incentive to let your hair down and be more playful in life, there’s a growing body of research supporting this idea.

Studies show that engaging in play increases productivity and makes us more creative. We’re more likely to improve our problem-solving skills and think both more flexibly and outside the box. It helps prevent burnout from work, relieve stress, improves social skills, and even increases emotional well-being. In fact, Dr. Stuart Brown, a leading researcher on play, says “the opposite of play is not work, it’s depression.”

So how do we, as the stressed out, over-caffeinated, and overworked adults that we are get in touch with a sense of fun and childlike wonder? Here are some tips, broken down by life categories, that can help spark some ideas:

HOME

-Establish regular play times with your kids: It might be for 20 minutes before dinner or every Saturday in the morning; the details don’t matter. By setting aside time regularly you’re more likely to make this a habit. And remember, the time spent playing benefits both of you!

-Incorporate forms of play that you did when you were young: Can’t think of what to do with your kids? Bring down from the attic (or eBay) those action figures or dolls you played with as a kid and introduce them to your children. You’re more likely to revert back to your younger self more quickly, connecting with your kiddos in the process.

-Choose an activity with your partner with no goal: Go on a bike ride with no destination in mind or head to a local park and use the playground equipment.

WORK

-Schedule nights out with coworkers either unstructured or structured (e.g., unstructured activities like bowling, karaoke, pool, or more structured such as setting up a mini golf tournament or fantasy football league)

-Go beyond just work tasks in the office: throw parties, stage an office treasure hunt, take breaks to play a word or number game

PERSONAL

-Host a regular game night with friends: the more interactive the better (like charades) but you can’t go wrong here as long as it’s fun and not overly competitive

-Play with a pet: this one’s an easy gimme. Just think of the countless entertainment you can have with just a laser beam, a cat, and a hallway…

-Find intrinsic interests to pursue: An example of something I do in my life for play is with memes – you know, those word pictures on social media. My family, friends, and fan base all know that I love both sharing and creating memes. There are endless possibilities, they’re oodles of fun, and as a bonus I have a finished product I can share either a laugh or a profound moment with others. So try some things out to find your groove. (And don’t forget to be playful and have fun during the discovery process!)

Lastly, two quick take aways: We’re often participating in play more often than we realize, so don’t beat yourself up if you think you’re not doing this at all. And, most importantly of all, if you feel like you don’t have “time” to play, you’re likely in need of it the most!