Childhood anxiety is on the rise. So much so that over the last decade, anxiety has overtaken depression as the most common reason why college students seek out counseling. And according to the American College Health Association, undergrads reporting “overwhelming anxiety” has shot up dramatically from 50% in 2011 to 62% in 2016. 

So the question becomes how can parents help better prepare children for adulthood?

First, we have to understand what anxiety is: the avoidance of discomfort and uncertainty. So we have to teach our kids how to learn to cope and problem-solve when facing the unexpected or uncomfortable events that come with life, otherwise they learn how to avoid these scenarios which only strengthens the anxiety. 

1) Self-regulation

Children are new to their bodies and need training on how to manage the feelings they experience. Just like we had to go through classes on learning how to drive a car, we need similar education on how to deal with strong (and sometimes scary) emotions when they arise inside of us. 

So spend some time this coming week with a family project of building a ‘comfort box’. Have everyone brainstorm ways in which they can get in touch with all five of their senses that can bring about a sense of calmness. Then place these items in a shoebox for easy access. For example, coloring pens, a bottle of bubbles, a playlist of songs they can listen to calm them, a notecard that says “take a deep breath”. (Hint: make a box for yourself, as well!). Then, when they are feeling anxious, prompt them to go to their self-soothe kit to use one of their own tools. 

This skill of self-regulation cannot be emphasized enough. Teaching a child how to calm themselves is one of the biggest gifts a parent can give give to their young one. It gives them a sense of autonomy and bolsters problem-solving skills. 

2) Limit cellphone & internet usage

Both smartphones and social media are becoming increasing sources of stress in the 21st century for all of us, but especially children. So what’s a parent to do? Let’s quickly focus on three areas: punishment, family time, and duration of access. When your child is grounded or sent to their room, make sure they don’t have any electronics they can use (phone, tablet, laptop) to hop online. These digital devices become the gateway to escape, whether it be through chatting with friends or zoning out watching YouTube or Netflix. When they escape in these ways during time out, they are only learning how to avoid negative feelings – not how to grow from them. Regarding family time, make sure to have dinner together at least a few times a week to strengthen family bonds…and digital devices are not allowed. Lastly, duration of access. When teens come to see me it’s all they can do to put their phone away for our 50 minute sessions. One study showed that kids average 7.5 hours per day of electronic usage! So encourage kids to play with others aside from video games or watching TV to foster creativity and social skills. Go on family outings together and work on projects together, like arts and crafts. 

3) Be mindful what you model

Parenting can stir up uncomfortable emotions in us, such as fear and guilt, and we need to ask how do WE handle these emotions. Do we never allow our child to make small mistakes because of the fear it can bring up in us? Or we back down from a consequence we’ve given because of the guilt we feel? What we’re teaching our children in times like this is that uncomfortable emotions are intolerable. So enforce that your child go to school even though they’re protesting because they don’t want to take the test. If they didn’t study this is a learning experience then for them. And the number one parenting suggestion I can offer is consistency! So when you feel that guilt bubble up when they give you those puppy dog eyes after making a mistake that is begging for correction, stand strong and remember you are modeling good behavior for them by enforcing the rules.